Part 30. Turning Japanese

Smokey kisses, joyful January and Swan Lake.

Surely Bud’s efforts deserve a Like at the end?

Hiya. Welcome back. If you missed last weeks episode, don’t worry, it was just about the humble spud. But this week, it’s all about healthy food, well, kind of, plus new year resolutions and joyful January.

Right then, we’d been open for just over a year. In that time, amongst other bits and pieces, we’d been reviewed by the local newspaper, said goodbye to our Keanu, moved house, been nominated for best newcomer restaurant in Yorkshire, built an amazing team and met Uri Geller.

Now to us, celebrating being open for a year felt a bit odd, who would care. Plus, we didn't have the time or the head space to let people know. I mean, we were chuffed that we’d got this far, but being from the working classes of the North East, shouting about yourself is frowned upon. ‘Stop showing off.’

Some restaurants cerebrate anything for a bit of PR, anniversaries, appointing a new head chef, opening a new packet of Marigolds. Or maybe they’ve realised that food waste is bad so they decide to celebrate not wasting as much. This just wasn't, and still isn't our style. We’re happy for others to sing our praises, but doing it ourselves is not the done thing. Bigging yourself up incurs the wrath of the devil.

Anyway, it’s now January 2006, a dull time of year for restaurants. The previous January, 2005 had been steady for us, we were new to the city of York, people were intrigued, so the steady flow of diners continued.

But this year, January was an unknown zone to us. Now, maybe we’re making January sound like a bad thing. And that’s because it is, to hospitality.

An explanation. Restaurants are rammed over Christmas, friends meet up, diners spend more on booze, office parties are in full swing and generally people spend well because they're happy and celebrating the festive time.

So the restaurant owner is happy, lots of money comes rolling in, and all is well. But as any restaurant owner knows, this busy time is just a buffer for the upcoming new year.

After Christmas, people drag themselves back to work, and money is tight because they’ve spent it all on My Little Pony and Care Bears. No way are they going to restaurants, better things to spend their money on, like credit cards.

And now the restaurant owner isn't happy, the food bills start coming in from December, the booze supplier wants his cash, and most commercial rents are due around the 24th December. So now the cash is rolling out.

Now this shouldn't be a problem, there’s loads of cash in the bank from the Christmas trade. Yes there is, but that that soon melts away, then the first few weeks of January become tricky. Customers are thin on the ground, more money is going out than is coming in. Staff still need paying, utilities are being paid, business rates don’t stop.

So any Christmas money which is left, well that goes towards those January bills. So Christmas trade in the restaurant world doesn't make the restauranteur richer, Christmas cash just pays for January.

So, bearing all this in mind, we battled through Christmas, said, “oh great, we’ve been open for a year,” then prepared ourselves for the January gloom. But at least we could catch up on some forgotten jobs.

We had few days off to celebrate Christmas, then we got back to work at Vanilla Black. It was good to catch up with the team and find out what everyone had been up to, how much beer Bud had drunk and what crap pressies they had landed.

Blackhead even ask for more shifts, she was only doing a Saturday lunch but now she wanted to work some evenings also. Oh yea, and some new year resolutions were made.

“Hey Bud, what’s your new years resolution?” Now, I didn’t think Bud would have made one, but as he walked into the restaurant ready for his shift, he actually stopped to give an answer.

“I’m going to become Japanese.”

“Errr, that’s a good one Bud, you should definitely stick to that.”

“Cheers mate, what about you?”

So I had to tell Bud the sad news, “I’m giving up ballroom dancing Bud.”

And everyone else? Well, Donna was going to take up plate spinning, Tricky Vicki was training for Dancing On Ice so she could partner up with Gaynor Faye and Blackhead was dreaming about becoming an accountant. Unfortunately, that one came true.

Oh yea, and Lozza took up cage fighting.

If you like reading these and fancy buying us a three quid coffee, then thank you.

The first night that we opened in the year of 2006, was a typical slate grey, damp evening. The streets of York seemed eerily quiet and deserted.

We had a few bookings, nothing heavy, just enough to keep us ticking over and to stop us from getting bored.

So the doors opened, and the first few diners were welcomed by Donna and Vicki.

Lozza and I had finished our prep list, well, as much as any prep list can be finished.

And Bud stuck an apron over his kimono.

This was the perfect service, diners flowed steadily into the restaurant, and at their allotted time. That’s a first. The orders were passed to the kitchen with no weird requests to affect the rhythm, and we cooked and assembled them as requested.

It was perfect, it was like we were all performers in Swan Lake.

Each time Tricky Vicki brought an order to the kitchen it was done with a Relevé. Donna performed a Pirouette at table 7, and Rosie ferried drinks in the Écarté pose. Meanwhile, in the Palace Ballroom, (kitchen), Lozza tippy toed back and forth to the oven, my Arabesque was spot on and Bud’s Plié* at the sink was a beautiful sight. Exquisite.

Then we had a couple of walk ins, they’re the people who don’t book in, they just walk in. “Hey Vicki, two walk ins, I didn't think there would be anyone in the streets tonight.”

“Yeah I know, it’s freezing out there.”

And oh how we danced, on and on we went.

Then Donna popped into the kitchen, “Quick heads up, a table of four just walked in.”

“Oh look at that Lozza, aren't we popular tonight.”

Lozza didn't say much, she was always focused on a pan or the oven.

We spun around and moved into second gear, it was getting exciting.

Then another two walk ins hit us. Then another table of three joined us. Then the table of two at 7pm suddenly became a four. We’re not smiling anymore, this was too much.

“Vicki, what’s going on it’s meant to be a quiet night. Where are they all coming from?”

“I don’t know, it’s mad out there. Are these starters for table three?”

“Yea, go go.”

And this continued all night. I mean, if we were ready for it, then no problem, but we weren’t. We jus kept getting swamped. We couldn't keep up.

And it continued every night. What happened to deserted January?

A few days later and I was out back filling the wheelie bin up, and oh look, there was Sushi Simon from the restaurant a couple of doors away.

“Hey Simon, happy new year.”

“Hiiii Andrew, happy new year to you. Long time no see.”

“Yea, we’re only two doors away but we hardly see each other.”

“Andrew, you been busy?”

And before I could answer, he started complaining that they’d been dead.

“It’s shocking this year, it gets worse, we had two covers* last night, two.”

Oh no, I couldn't tell him we were busy, it would upset him.

“Yea, a bit slow, but as expected I suppose.” Then I tried to get away, but Sushi Simon wanted more.

“So how many did you do last night?”

“Err, yea, a few, I can’t remember, four, maybe five. I’ve got stuff on the stove, catch you later.” I couldn't tell him it was more like thirty, then I ran back in to tell Donna.

We couldn't understand what was going on, had someone reviewed us in a newspaper? Had Paul McCartney told everyone to stop eating meat?

However, that night we found the reason.

Half way through the evening, Donna walked into the kitchen with some information, “A guy on table eight just told me that they're not vegetarian, but they made a new years resolution to be healthy this year. So they came here for a healthy vegetarian meal.”

Ahh, maybe this is why we were busy, people seem to go on a short lived health kick in January, or make it their new years resolution.

“Hang on, table eight ordered all the cheesy dishes, that’s not healthy.”

Donna thought for a second, ‘Yes they did, that’s right.”

And day after day we heard similar comments, “We’re vegetarian tonight, we’re being healthy.” Yea right!

Or, “We need to eat more veggies, so we’re having a vegetarian meal tonight.” Eh, you could just have more vegetables with your Lamb Bhuna. The comments made no sense.

And there we go, we were busy because people thought that eating a double baked cheese pudding with a poached egg and creamy smoked potato croquette was healthy. Did we tell them that a piece of grilled chicken with a green salad was possibly lower in calories? No we didn’t. It seems that folk stick to that image of vegetarian food being a bowl full of healthy lettuce and sunflower seeds. But a four kilo plate of chips and mayonnaise could be a vegetarian dish, but that ain’t healthy.

And every year it was the same, we had a prosperous January, and then we told other restauranteurs that we were as quiet as them.

Obviously, it was perfect for paying the bills, but there was always someone moaning that we didn't have a Buddha Bowl or Detox Salad on offer. Off you pop to the Lazy Lentil Cafe.

So January groaned along and we made a polite point of saying ‘happy new year’ to the other traders. The Weigh In Shop guys were bored, they’d dusted the shelves and counted the chickpeas. Sushi Simon and Knowledgeable Nick sat with their chins on their hands and stared out of the wet window.

And Cheeky Little Elvis, he didn't seem bothered that it was quiet, but he did pop into the restaurant to wish us happy new year. And fortunately, he gave Donna and Tricky Vicki a new years kiss, complete with the sweet aroma of twenty Regal King Size.

Blackhead wasn’t working that day, lucky for her, but it would have been interesting to see her reaction to the smoked kiss.

However, there was one little ‘resolution’, a real one, which was put in place that year by the team. It came about because of the cash tips the team received.

Donna and I never got involved with these, but the team shared them out between themselves.

Then somebody suggested, that once a month, fifty quid should be taken from the tips and donated to a charity, just because it was a nice thing to do. Isn't that lovely?

So they decided that they would take it in turns, each month, to choose a charity which they wanted to donate the money to.

It was a topic of conversation every month, should it go to the Diabetes Society because Aunty Ethel was a sufferer. Oh no, what about Cancer Research, a worthy cause, but hang on, what about the animals. It went on like this every month, so many dilemmas.

So every month we sent a cheque to the chosen charity, and a little letter to go with it, just explaining the reason for the donation. And no, we didn't shout about it to gather publicity, that would have just been self serving. But we did receive a few thank you letters in the post, and that was enough for us.

And when it came to Bud’s turn to choose a charity, he knew exactly where the money was going, no dilly dallying for him.

“Bud, which charity have you chosen?”

“Death Row Dogs.”

And that’s that, January turned out to be a good month, busy nights, new resolutions, happy charities and smokey kisses.

Catch you soon and thanks for reading. We know you probably have better things to do with your time.

See you next week

Andrew and Donna

*We had to Google the ballet terms.

** Covers means how many people, twenty covers is twenty people. It comes from the French word, couvert, covered. The seat has been covered.