Part 87 Serious

A PR company, Hipsters and avocados

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Here’s this weeks introduction. Hello.

Now then, come back to 2009 with us. The Black Eyed Peas are giving it Boom boom Pow and some MPs had been misusing their expenses. Yea, shock horror.

But something else was happening in that fancy London town, a new type of people had appeared on the scene. Hipsters. And these Hipsters were hanging around in an area of London known as, Shoreditch. This area was, and still is, very close to the financial section of London, The Square Mile. So why nobody noticed it’s potential previously is a mystery.

And because this area was a bit errrrr, rough, rents were low. And because rents were low, small independent businesses appeared, and some of these businesses were little coffee shops. Hipsters liked these independent joints.

And when the male Hipster was sat at his rickety table with milk foam clinging to his beard, he was eating avocado on sourdough toast. Yes, way back in 2009, and probably a little before that. Sometimes that Hipster would add a poached egg as well.

Now, our boy Ben, had been to these coffee shops on a number of occasions and brought back word of this avocado on toast.

We were intrigued, “What is it exactly Ben?”

Ben described it beautifully because he was well educated, “Errr, yea yea, they’re like, errr, sliced, yea sliced avocados, then they’re put on the toast.”

Skater Jane wasn’t impressed, “Is that it?”

“Errr, yea, literally, yea.”

We decided that we should be using avocado in the restaurant. Not on toast, because that would be too predictable, no following the crowd for us, and that wasn’t our style either.

Jane agreed to pick a few up the next day on the way into work.

And on that next day, Ben looked at the five avocados on the workbench, his face told us there was something wrong.

Jane looked put out, “What’s wrong with your face Ben, you said get some avocados, so I did.”

Jane’s directness always seemed to unnerve Ben, “Errrr, yea, errr cool, I mean, they’re a bit hard. You should have chosen errr, *ripe avocados.”

“Well you should have said so shouldn’t you.”

These avocados were like steel, it would take ages for them to ripen. But I had an idea.

“Hang on. What if we cooked them? Surely that would soften them?”

Jane like this, “Yea, let’s do it.”

They needed a very sharp knife, they were tough. Once peeled they were cut into wedges. We popped one of them into a saucepan and covered it in water. We brought it to a simmer, and yes, within a few minutes, it softened.

But it also discoloured, and tasted of nothing.

Next, Ben tried, but he added salt, sugar and lime juice to the water also.

This was much better, but there was still some discolouration.

Ben pondered, “Cool yea, but errr, they need more acidity.”

Jane suggested more lime, but Ben said no, he reckoned more lime would take over the flavour of the avocado.

A random picture.

Then I remembered something. We still had a bag of citric acid in the store room which we had bought from a health food shop in York.

Whenever I bought it, the woman behind the counter would ask me what I needed it for. The first few times I would prattle on about how we would add it to water as we peeled apples to stop them discolouring. Or that we used it to sharpen a sauce because using lemon added a flavour we didn’t want.

But she never seemed interested, so why did she ask? When I mentioned this to Donna, a former nurse, she told me that the lady was probably just following procedure. Apparently drug addicts use citric acid.

So we did a third experiment, again, salt, sugar and lime juice. And we added a little citric acid. Perfect.

And a new starter was introduced to the menu.

Warm Avocado, Brioche Crouton, Avocado and Coriander Purée and Candied Chilli Ketchup.

But because we were proper Hipsters now, we added a poached egg also.

We put the dish together and invited Donna and Tina to try it. But before they did, Donna wanted to show me an email. It was from a PR company.

This was nothing new, Public Relations companies were always contacting us. Apparently they could help get the word out that we existed, and we certainly needed that.

But this email was different, the person sending it had actually been to the restaurant, so they knew what we were about.

Donna had a mad idea, “Why don’t we speak to them?”

“What for Donna, they’ll charge a small fortune. And we don’t have any spare cash for PR, or even for ourselves.”

“But they might have some suggestions. We need to get busier, we can’t carry on like this, let’s see what they have to say.”

So we did just that, we replied and suggested that we meet with them. They came straight back and arranged to meet one morning a week later.

On the morning of their arrival, Donna and I were nervous. We were meeting people from a PR company, in London. Only big restaurant names and pop stars use a PR company. Little people like us, from Stockton on Tees, we didn’t deal with PR companies, we just peeled carrots and set tables. Scary stuff.

If you think we deserve a three quid coffee for scribbling this guff, that’s the button.

Their email mentioned that there would be three of them. But there was only two of us, we were outnumbered, already on the back foot.

I suggested that we ask Tina to join us and take notes, but really she would be there to even out the numbers and protect us.

Donna didn’t think this was a good idea.

The morning of the PR people arrived.

We organised some space in the reception area of the restaurant, ready for the arrival of the PR people.

Donna placed two chairs to one side for myself and her, and three chairs opposite for the PR people.

Not a Gucci jacket.

“Donna, make more space between those three chairs.”

“Why, that’s enough isn’t it?”

“No, they’ll have huge shoulder pads in their Gucci jackets, we don’t want them bashing into each other.”

“I don’t think so Andrew.”

“Mark my words, these people power dress you know.”

Donna rearranged the chairs a little to keep me happy.

Then Donna had a thought, “Water, we should have some glasses of water for them.”

“Right Donna, good idea, I’ll get a jug and stick some water in it.”

“Not a jug Andrew, we’ll give them bottled water.”

“Bottled water? That’s pushing the boat out a bit. We’re not made of money.”

But as Donna rightly pointed out, “We have to make a good impression, bring a bottle of still and a bottle of sparkling.”

“What, two bottles? Oh my god, this is stressful.”

Donna set up a little table to one side and polished three glasses. I arrived with the two bottles of water and placed them in the centre of the table.

We stood back and checked the PR people meeting area.

“Donna, maybe we should move their chairs a little further back. I bet all of them are over six foot tall.”

“Why will they be tall?”

“They’re business people Donna, they’re bound to be tall.”

Donna said that we should calm down, she was right. We needed to make a good impression, we had to be serious, we couldn’t look amateurish.

But above all, we needed to be busier, and maybe these people could help us. Even after trading in London for over a year, we were still battling to pay the bills. There were still days when we would see no diners for lunch or evening service.

And although we had space for 60 diners, we thought ourselves lucky if we managed to attract 25 customers on a Friday evening.

As we sat on our two allocated chairs and waited, Donna nudged me, “Andrew look, they’re here now, they’re at the door.”

OK, that’s enough, catch us next week for another story. And thanks for sticking with us.

Donna and Andrew

*Once avocados are picked from the tree it takes around 7-10 days for them to soften. so if they are like little bombs, give them a few days by the window.