Part 52. I Got The Music In Me

Music in restaurants, Hip-Hop and a Megadeth concert.

Legend has it, if you put a like at the end of this, Tinker Bell will visit your garden and sprinkle happy dust on your plants.

Good day to you, and welcome back. This is Part 52, that means we’ve been telling you this story for a year. Thanks for sticking with us. Right, that’s the nice bit over with.

Well, you may remember from last week, if you’re reading these in sequence, that within a week of putting the restaurant on the market, we had a request from some potential buyers to view the restaurant.

We were a bit nervous, what if they wanted to buy it, the next step would be organising a move to London.

Before we go on, something needs clarifying. We keep saying that moving to London was a bit daunting, and you might be thinking, why?

OK, first of all we were from a small north eastern town where a house move was, generally speaking, from one housing development to another. Sometimes people moved to Newcastle or Leeds for work, but rarely London, not the people we knew anyway.

And, we knew nobody there, nobody. We had no contacts and no friends in London. I suppose if we were moving for a new job, we would have some links with the company. But we didn't even have that.

So yea, it was a financial risk, we were moving ourselves, and a restaurant to a location we knew nothing about. We were walking into thick fog.

But anyway, these people were just viewing, that’s all.

And that’s what this young couple did, they viewed the restaurant.

Actually, they weren't young, they were probably a couple of years younger than us, so early thirties. But as we write this now, they seemed like bairns.

They were very nice, they both had forgettable jobs, can’t remember what they were now. However, they definitely weren’t from a catering background.

They arrived on a day when we weren't open, we arrived early and made sure everything was dandy. We met them at the door and they were obviously nervous, although the guy was trying not to show it. That’s what we blokes do you see, don’t let the enemy know your feelings.

As soon as they walked in they were impressed. They stroked the oak tables, marvelled at the tongue and groove ceiling and commented on how beautiful the flooring was.

But you may remember form the earlier Posts, those tables were cheap from furniture auctions, the ceiling was held up by staples and cable ties, and that floor was just some plywood rectangles screwed to the ceramic tiles underneath.

An example of cable ties which held up the ceiling. Piccy from Ebay.

We didn't tell them that though, didn't want to spoil the magic.

They also loved the old original bar (scaffolding boards, circa 2003) and were especially impressed by the size of the kitchen. All was going well.

They walked around a little more and we left them to wander and point at things.

Afterwards they told us that they liked the place and left.

And that was that.

The next day the agent called and said that the couple of bairns wanted to put an offer in.

What?

The offer was a little low, which we expected, and they had some stipulations. Nothing too tricky though, they just said that they wanted every thing as it was. The tables, chairs, the pictures, the music system, the glasses, the plates, the lot. Well, we didn't mind that, actually, that's what we expected.

So we called the agent back and agreed.

Then we hit the panic button again. Only this time we we belted it a few times.

It was happening, the ball had started moving. Fast!

We were spinning. So much to do. Where did we start.

First of all the agent needed us to sign something to say we agreed and they wanted us to do an inventory of the equipment. An inventory, or a list as we would say.

So we did the document crap and started on the inventory.

Forty eight main course plates.

Fifty side plates.

Sixty main course forks.

Sixty five main course knifes.

Thirty white wine glasses, actually, there were more than that but Tricky Vicki would probably smash a few before they bought the place.

Some glasses which Tricky Vicki would easily break.

This was a dull task but it needed to be done. When we had listed every single item, there was one piece which was making us feel a little guilty.

The stereo.

This thing was left by the previous owner, I remember him showing it to us when we were the viewers. At the time it felt as if he was leaving behind his first born child.

A Denon stereo. It states ‘no connection’ but it usually read ‘disc error’. Piccy from Ebay.

He raved about it being a Denon and how it was linked to speakers around the restaurant which gave a full and rounded sound. It could play music with crystal clear tone, probably better than the original version.

Well it didn’t.

Most of the time it didn't work at all. We had to slap it on the its side when a CD stuck. Sometimes the volume would jump by a hundred decibels for no reason. Or, its favourite trick to play on us was when you hit the play button nothing would happen. We had to pick it up from the shelf then drop it back down. We could have bought another one, but we were too tight.

But we now decided that we should buy a cheap one so we could put it into the inventory list. Because we were nice. So that’s what we did.

Now, there’s definitely someone out there saying, “Why bother with music in the first place, I hate listening to music when I’m eating in a restaurant.”

Oh here we go. This music topic.

“This music is awful.”

“This music is too loud.”

“It’s too quiet in here, can you turn up the volume?”

“Have you considered playing some jazz?”

“You should play classical music you know.”

“This jazz music is so droll, you should play something more upbeat.”

“The meal was lovely but we weren't fussed on the classical music.”

WHAT DO YOU WANT?

The terms, ‘You can’t win’, ‘Between a rock and a hard place’ and ‘You can’t please all of the people all of the time’, all came about from the topic of music in restaurants. That’s the truth.

You literally cannot please all fifty people in a room when it comes to music, unless you’re playing Taylor Swift and those fifty people are Taylor Swift fans.

The ‘music in a restaurant’ topic has been debated, no, whinged about, many times. And the result is never commonly concluded.

We even took the decision to have no music. That didn't last long.

If you fancy spending three quid on a coffee for us as a reward for writing this exquisite piece, that’s the button right there.

“Bloody hell Jim, you can hear a pin drop in here.”

“Sorry Jim and Jean, we’ve just opened and you’re the first people in. That’s why it’s so quiet. Would you like us to put the music on?”

So you see, from a restaurant owner’s position, it’s incredibly difficult to get it right.

Let’s say you have one of those nights when there’s forty grey people in the restaurant. You know the grey people, they sit all night and don’t speak to each other, and they don’t converse with waiting staff either. They eat in complete silence and keep their heads faced downwards, staring at their plate. Their grey faces tell a story of a long, dull, uneventful life. Then you definitely need some music, just to mask the sound of their deep sighing.

But the next night, there’s forty people in, and it sounds like we’re at a Megadeth concert. People are laughing and joking, they're chattering like a bunch of chimps and it’s so noisy that you can’t hear what they're ordering. The music could be on full volume and you wouldn't hear it.

No music required that night.

The next night there’s another forty people in and the noise level is about average, it could do with some low music, just to fill in the gaps. So we pop on a mixed track of, let’s say, 90s music. Usual stuff.

Table 3. “Can you turn the music up a little, it’s a bit quiet in here.”

Table 7. “Can you turn the music down a little, I can’t hear myself think, it’s thumping in here.”

Table 1. “This music is awful, don’t you have anything more modern?”

Table 9. “Oh I don’t like this playlist, don't you have anything by Crosby, Stills, Nash and Young?”

I tell you what Table 9, why don’t you go to Table 1 and tell them you want to listen to Crosby, Stills, Nash and Young?

No, didn't think you would, it’s easier to moan at us isn't it!

So you take the comments on board and change the playlist around, you know, give it a few tweaks.

But then the staff start. “Oh I’m sick of listening to this music, can’t we play some Hip-Hop?”

“No Bud, we not playing Hip-Hop.”

Bud doesn't give up, “But I’m sick of listening to Katie Melua.”

“Listen Bud, I would rather listen to GBH and The Exploited than Katie Melua, but it’s not about me, it’s about the diners.”

Are you starting to get how difficult it is yet?

In later years we used Spotify* and created a list which played softer music early doors and increased in tempo as the night went on.

Did that keep people happy? What do you think?

Someone who had too much time, not enough life and swollen fingertips took to Tripadvisor to complain that a supposedly ‘posh’ restaurant had a Pixies track playing. Yes, imagine the horror and devastation we had caused.

And there we go, back to the beginning, you can’t win, we were between a rock and a hard place and you can’t please all of the people all of the time.

So the next time you’re in a restaurant and you don’t like the music, just remember, a lot of thought may have gone into that playlist.

Or, maybe Tarquin, the bosses son, has decided that he wants to listen to his Trance Dance playlist and your opinion counts for absolutely nothing.

Soz, went a bit off track there didn’t we.

Well, the new stereo which we bought was fairly cheap, but it was way better than the old one, it worked for a start.

That Denon box was thrown, with great force, into the wheelie bin. Who knows, that may have been what it needed to fix it.

And then back to panicking. We needed to arrange viewings ourselves now, in London town. And accommodation, we needed to find somewhere to live, in London town.

We needed to get our house on the market also. Solicitors and accountants needed contacting.

Things were moving much quicker than we expected, so we had to also.

OK, enough ranting, don’t forget to tell us which playlists you listen to at home when you’re eating your Dr. Oetker pizza.

Catch you next week and thanks for reading this. Donna and Andrew.

*Apparently you cannot use Spotify to play music in a commercial premises. So we didn’t, never ever. And nobody else does either.