Part 19. Chequered Love

A recipe for parsnip and Horlicks Icing cake, plus, the joy of Cupid.

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Valentine’s Day. One of the busiest nights of the year for a restaurant, but we’d been so busy opening the restaurant, we hadn’t thought about it. But diners had, and they were pushing for tables, and a special menu.

So, as February started we realised that we needed to do something about Valentine’s Day.

As usual, one morning while we were driving to York, we had our daily meeting in our VW Boardroom. And our main topic on the agenda, was the  Valentine’s menu, do we do one, or just keep the regular menu?

You see, menu changes are a pain. First of all you have to think of new ideas, well, some restaurants just copy and paste from last year, but anyway, that’s the first hurdle. Ha, we had nothing from the previous year to copy and paste, but we would never go down the easy route anyway.

Then you have to buy the new stock, which inevitably means that some could be wasted because you're buying bulk. Then it has to be prepared, which means that the day before, you have to break off from the regular days prep, and start the new stuff. That also means that the prep you have from your current menu, is sat around deteriorating while you use the Valentine’s prep.

And not only that, let’s say that the Valentine’s menu has choices, for example, a choice of two starters, two mains and two desserts. Well, if you have 50 covers (diners) you can’t do 50 of everything, that would mean a hundred starters, a hundred mains and a hundred desserts. But nor can you just do twenty five of each, because some diners will obviously be disappointed if you run out, or even pissed off. So you have to balance it, and do, lets say, thirty five of each. And even then you’ll have waste.

Or you could ask diners to pre order, which in itself is like pushing water up a hill. You’re chasing for a response, some don’t answer, some start asking loads of questions, and then there’s the allergens.

Mmmmmm, why is a Valentine’s menu so expensive? Now you know why.

Or, you could just leave the menu as it is, but change the names of the dishes. How about, tomato soup becomes Soupe D’amour. Or the chocolate dessert becomes, Coeur en Chocolat. Oh yea, and you have to have passionfruit sorbet somewhere. Anyone puked yet?

And then there’s the front of house situation. You see, the bookings on Valentine’s are all couples, although we did once have a table of three. Didn’t ask.

So all the tables of four only have a couple sat at them, when on other nights, the table would be full, therefore a revenue loss. So your covers are actually down.

Plus, if Valentine’s falls on a Saturday, you actually make less cash. How?

Because, again, a restaurant which could usually do 100 covers, may do less on Valentine’s evening because they’re all tables of twos, instead of fours and sixes.    

Also, at the time, in York, we didn't turn tables, not just on Valentine’s, but any night. That means that a couple could have that table all night, we didn’t squeeze them out so that we could re-sit more diners. This changed in later years.

That was us being nice, but as the old saying goes, ‘Be nice, get a punch in the face’.

You see, that means that we made less money, but also, by 9pm, most of the diners would have gone, so a table who comes in at 8pm, is sat there in an empty restaurant an hour later. Then they take to Tripadvisor and complain.

“My wife and I were the only people in the restaurant, the atmosphere was awful, it ruined our lives. We even ended up having therapy. We contacted the restaurant to ask for compensation. No reply. Avoid.”. Yaaaaaaayyyyyy!

So, to conclude our VW Boardroom meeting, we decided that the hardest thing to do would be to set up a new menu for the day, with two choices of each course. So we went with that. And just to make things even more difficult, we didn’t increase the price.

And nor did we take deposits.

If you click this button you can spend three quid on a cup of tea which Donna and I will share. Thanks. but if you don’t want to, no worries.

A typed menu was put in the window, oh yea, and on the website, and we waited for the lovelies to book up.

And they did. But as we could only do 28 covers, it didn't take long to fill up, plus, we already had a few tables booked from people who didn’t care what the menu was.

So that was easy, all booked up, we could forget about it until nearer the time.

But oh no! Because it continued every day until the thirteenth.

Do you have a table?

No.

Do you have a table?

No.

Do you have a table?

No.

One guy offered Tricky Vicki fifty quid to get him a table. Ha! Where was she going to find an extra table?

Or this……..

“Hi, do you have a table for the fourteenth?”.

“I’m sorry, we don’t, we’ve been fully booked for three weeks.”

“Are you sure?”.

“Sorry, absolutely sure, there's nothing at all.”.

“Oh. Can you just check again?”.

Hold the phone near the diary and ruffle the pages a bit.

“Nope, nothing at all.”.

“Couldn’t you just squeeze us in somewhere? We’re only small.”. They say that with a little false giggle, in the hope that you find them hilarious and suddenly find more tables and chairs, not realising that you’ve heard it from the last twenty six callers.

“We can’t I’m afraid. But I tell you what, we can put you on a waiting list in case anything changes.”.

“No thanks.”. Phone abruptly cuts off.

Then they call back ten minutes later in the hope that someone else answers, who can somehow give them a table. Unfortunately, it’s a very well known fact, that all waiting staff are descendants of Sherlock Holmes, and they can spot this cunning, ingenious, yet devious ruse a mile off.

Another story. One bloke, who already had a table booked, rang back up to ask a question. Now this chap was very lucky, because I answered his call.

“I have a table booked under the name Presley.” **

Me, “Ah yes, I can see that here in the diary.”.

“Well, can you tell me, is your Champagne any good?”.

What can one answer to a question like this? Very odd.

Me, “No Sir, it’s crap.”.

“Ah, I see, could you chill me a bottle for the evening please.”

Me, “Certainly, no problem Mr Presley”.

And when the glorious fourteenth arrived, what we found was this.

There were a few diners who we knew, regulars, then some diners who were using Valentine’s evening as a trial run, to see if they liked us, and the rest were the once a yearers.

Once a yearers are the ones who make the booking in early January, Christmas has gone so they need something to look forward to. Over the years, we would return from a Christmas break, and there was always a booking on the answerphone for Vally Day.

But, they don’t really want to go out for a meal, they just feel that they have to because Cupid said so.

“Marjorie, shall we book a restaurant for Valentines evening?”.

“No, I’m not bothered really.”.

“Eh? But it’s Valentine’s.”

“OK then.”, says Marjorie, in her strained, enthusiastic tone.

And that passion and enthusiasm sparkles through on the actual night.

The restaurant is hushed because fifty percent are just sat staring at each other, admiring each other’s grey complexion. This makes the other fifty percent talk quieter.

And then Donna whispers, “Vicki, this Sauvignon Blanc isn't chilled enough, stand it next to table 4 for ten minutes.”.

Oh yea, and there's always an argument table, and one of them ends up in tears. That’s the law. Cupid said it has to happen.

But, on the flippy side, we’ve had a few proposals over the years. And quite often, the diner who was going to propose would let us know when making the booking.. This was always exciting for FOH, they would wait around like giddy kippers, desperate to find out if it was a yes or a no.

Here’s a piece of gossip, keep it to yourself. Some years later, on another Valentine’s evening, a woman called the restaurant in the middle of service. She described a man and woman, which one of the team recognised as a couple on table two. The lady asked the team member, let’s say Tony, to pass the restaurant phone to the bloke. So he did. After a heated conversation, it turned out that the woman on the phone had somehow found out that her husband was at our restaurant, with his mistress. She had called his mobile phone many times, but obviously he didn't answer. So she found the restaurant number, and got hold of him that way. The couple paid, and left early.

So as you can tell, some positives, and also some negatives are associated with Valentine’s Day.

And the next day is just as busy. Wanna know why? Because these are the people who don’t want to pay the extra price of a Valentine’s menu or can’t get a table, so they go out the next night instead. You know, like going for a Christmas meal in March.

Here’s another piece of gossip, there was a well known chef, who used to hire extra tables and chairs on Valentine’s day, and cram them into his restaurant to make a few more quid.Fair play to him!

We learned a lot from our first Valentine’s Day experience. And all this learning helped us to become more organised and profitable, and gave us ideas for changes that we needed to put into place.

Recipe time……

Parsnip Cake with Horlicks Icing and Toasted Hazelnuts

This recipe is from our cookbook, but with a few tweaks. It was a backlash against carrot cake, surely parsnips are sweeter than carrots. So as far as we’re concerned, parsnips are a better fit. Please note that the cake element is made with oil, not butter. This gives a lighter sponge. Wanna know why? OK, fat is required to lubricate the gluten in the flour, this reduces the strength of the gluten, it shortens the gluten strands, (now you know where the term shortening comes from). However, butter is around 16-18% water, depending on the brand, so not all of the product is doing it’s job. Where oil, is pure, no water. If you want more of these science lessons, let us know.

Serves 6-8, contains gluten, dairy, eggs and parsnips. Oh and nuts.

Ingredients

Cake

150g Sunflower oil, plus more for the tin

75g Ground almonds

3 Eggs, lightly beaten

150g Granulated sugar

75g Self-raising flour

½ tsp Baking powder

¼ tsp Ground ginger

pinch of salt

150g (1 medium) parsnip, peeled and grated

For the icing

125g Unsalted butter, softened

125g Icing sugar, sifted

50g Horlicks drinking powder

To decorate

50g Hazelnuts

Icing sugar, to dust

Method

-Preheat the oven to 150℃/300°F/gas mark 2. Oil a 26 x 12cm loaf tin and line the base with baking parchment.

-Toast the ground almonds and hazelnuts (for decoration later) on separate baking tarys in the oven for 15-20 minutes, or until golden brown. The hazelnuts may take a little longer. Set aside to cool.

-For the cake, whisk the eggs, oil and sugar together in a large mixing bowl (or use a stand mixer fitted with the beater attachment), then add the flour, ground almonds, baking powder, ginger and salt. Lastly fold in the parsnip and mix until thoroughly combined.

-Spoon into the prepared tin and bake for 45-50 minutes, or until firm to the touch and a skewer inserted into the middle of the cake comes out clean. Allow to cool in the tin for 10 minutes before turning out on to a wire rack.

-While the cake cools, make the icing by beating the butter and icing sugar in a large mixing bowl until light and fluffy (or using a stand mixer fitted with the beater attachment). Make a paste with the Horlicks powder and 2 tbsp of boiling water, then fold this into the buttercream.

-Once the cake is cool, assemble by spreading the icing generously over the top of the cake, then chop the toasted hazelnuts in half and scatter on top. Finish with a light dusting of icing sugar.

-Eat it.

Join us next week as we find out that we’ll be getting four more hours of sleep a week.

** It wasn’t Elvis.