Part 17. Waiting For That Day

Coffee and doughnut Tiramisu with crispy coffee sugar. Plus, unicorns, mermaids and Star Wars.

Hello to you lovely people. If you’ve been following these Parts, you’ll know that so far, we have opened a vegetarian restaurant, employed Tricky Vicki and our Keanu, created a fake member of the team, Tony Cannelloni, and very nearly gave a delivery guy a heart attack. That was funny.

So obviously, all is well. It’s January and we are still busy, but mainly in the evenings. We’re still plotting and planning our next moves, still looking at what we can tweak and improve. But anyway, you know all this.

However, what you don’t know, and what we didn't know either, was that a restaurant reviewer from the local newspaper, The York Evening Press, had paid us a visit. Dum Dum Dum! Big news eh!

Now, to tell the truth, we weren't too sure if this was a good thing or a bad thing. we hadn’t owned a restaurant before, this was new to us. We were also a bit confused, why would the local paper review us, we weren't that significant, we didn't take ourselves that seriously, so why did they?

So, first of all lets explain how a restaurant review works, just so you’re prepared, and we know the procedure quite well, because it happened to us many more times over the years. We have had some good, bad, upsetting, unfair and pretty ridiculous reviews over the years.

OK, it goes a little like this. First thing is, they make a booking, under a false name of course. Reviewers tend to head to new openings, so some restaurants even have photographs of reviewers to show to staff, just so they know who to expect and alert everyone if they do visit.

Plus, some restaurants even have pictures of Michelin inspectors, to help keep them prepared, although this has been denied, but it’s true.

But we had neither of the above pics, and never even expected to be reviewed at this time.

Anyway, once they've been in, you usually get a phone call, just asking for a few more details. Some newspapers also ask you if they can send in a photographer. Then of course you spend the next two weeks trying to work out who the reviewer was. Was it that lady on table 7 who asked loads of questions, or was it the couple from Saturday night, the 7pm booking, he wore a snazzy shirt, and they drank a bottle of Pinot Noir.

Then the photographer arrives. Now, we always thought this was funny, on the actual review, you could have served up something on a plate which looked like a twenty year old Doc Marten boot that’s has been chewed by a rabid American Pit Bull, and his mates. But when the photographer arrives a week later, you plate up a miniature cherub, carved from an Italian white truffle.

So the photographer arrives, and what happens is, the restaurant staff, or owners, pester the photographer to find out if it’s a good or bad review, but apparently they never know. Then the review is published. This could be several weeks after the review actually happened. It’s a painful waiting game.

Now, we’re always led to believe that a review from a newspaper can make or break a restaurant. It’s assumed, that if the review is positive, then you’ll be full for months ahead. Even God and Jesus will book a table, you’ll be a millionaire by the end of the year, plus, you’ll receive a Knighthood.

Or, if the reviews is negative, nobody will visit the restaurant ever again, God and Jesus will send a plague of rats, you’ll be bankrupt in a week, and people will stand at the restaurant windows, pointing and laughing.

But in our experience, none of the above happens. It may happen to some, but we’ve never found that. What we’ve found is this, if it’s a good review, you get a spike in trade, the curious visit, diners order the same dishes as the reviewer, just to see if the reviewer got it right, then after a couple of weeks, normal business is resumed. If it’s a bad review, you still get a spike in trade, that’s either out of sympathy, or again, curiosity. Then after a couple of weeks, normal business is resumed.

So as far as we noticed, not much changed for us. The only thing that does happen, is this. If the comments are positive, you feel quite good for a week or so, then you forget it happened. However, if the comments are bad, you remember them for another ten years. They eat away at you, you roll them around your brain, they become bigger each time you think of them, you build a hatred for that reviewer, and every single diner is sniggering about that review when they walk through the restaurant door.

Etc.

Back to the phone call form The York Evening Press, I did the talking, it’s a hobby of mine. I gave the nice lady the details she asked of us, and answered a few foodie type questions. General stuff really. However, I stumbled on one of the questions. You see, I had made a trifle for dessert which she had eaten, but the jelly element was set with some vege gel stuff, because regular gelatine is made from animal bones, so none of that for us. Now, gelatine sets very well, plant based versions, at the time, were unpredictable, so it was a bit runny. But at the time I was making it I didn’t have time to start again, so I just crossed my fingers and hoped nobody would question it. And they didn’t at the time. But this reviewer lady did, she wanted to know why it was runny. Obviously, I just made something up and waffled on a bit, blaming it on the vege gel. Sorry Alex from The York Evening Press.

Well, the review came out in early February, it was very positive and complimentary, and it was good for the ego, but other than that, not much changed. And here it is,

Although the dishes you read about in the review, as we’ve mentioned many times before, now seem quite basic, you can read that back then, they were perceived as a little different, adventurous. They still make me cringe.

As the years went on we had more reviews, but we’ll give you the insider gossip on all those another time. However, for now, here’s a little taster. One particular reviewer from one of the big nationals, showed up for their reservation, laden with their bags of shopping from Sainsburys, and then going for a smoke outside every 15 minutes. Not the type of thing we expected.

Anyway, this positivity was good for us, obviously, but it was also good for Tricky Vicki and our Keanu. Tony Cannelloni was chuffed. It kinda felt like we were this underdog, we were from out of town, we built the place from nothing, and cheap junk, plus, we were a vegetarian restaurant. It’s as if we were lightweights in a heavyweight contest, punching above our weight.

In fact, we always felt like this, we never did quite fit. The meat restaurants generally didn’t take us seriously, and the other vegetarian restaurants referred to as the, ‘that fancy place’. We were in our own little category. It was glorious.

Right, next thing. On one of our days off, Donna and I were wandering around a book shop, Waterstones or something like that. Now, to be honest, this often frustrated me, vegetarian cookbooks never inspired me, even those that were supposed to be great. Nah, as far as I was concerned, they were just recipes for side dishes.

But on this trip, I was drawn to the cover of a certain book, it was the simplicity of the cover which intrigued me. There wasn’t even a picture of food splashed over the front, as is usually the case. It was just a plate and a napkin, oh and a peg. Whoever wrote it was confident, they didn’t need to show you a piccy of their fried steak or chicken pie.

So I picked it up and had a quick flick through. And that quick flick, carried on a bit longer. And as the flicking went on, the roof of the shop blew right off, and light shone in from the golden sunshine, illuminating the book. Then unicorns and mermaids pranced by, each one of them blowing a shiny trumpet, kicking up their hooves and flapping their fins, knocking ‘Jamie Oliver Cooks Italian, Again’ from the shelves. That’s the truth that is.

Just squeezed this little button in here, it’s asking for a few quid. But feel free to skip over it, no worries.

This book was called The French Laundry, and was written by Thomas Keller, and co written by Einstein. But why was it so special? Well it wasn't so much the recipes themselves, it was the thinking behind them. For example, there was a dish of tomato consommé, poached cherry tomatoes and a little tiny cheese toasty. When I read the intro, it was the thought process I was drawn to. Mr K explained that this dish was inspired by something he had as a kid, cheese toasty and tomato soup. I read a few more, and was hooked. But it was forty quid. Now, you rich people see that as nothing, but I was put off straight away. Forty quid, for a cookbook, they weren't having my eyes out. However, Donna pushed me, she said that in some ways it’s an investment. Good point. So we bought it, and still have it to this day. Brilliant cookbook.

What it did for me is cement a few thoughts together, dish creation so far had been a bit random, but this book helped to create a focus. How? Because I too could take the idea of re working a dish, but not vegetarian dishes, meat dishes. And not just taking a meat dish and replacing the steak with a slice of tofu. But taking the flavours and textures and using them for inspiration. This would make more sense, using the theme of a meat dish to create a vegetarian dish.

Right, quick story about Star Wars. Random, I know. When George Lucas wrote Star Wars, he came to a hurdle. He had the characters, names, the plot, and all the other stuff, but something was missing, and he couldn't work out what. He didn't want it to look like all the the other sci-fi movies of the time, you know, futuristic, long steel corridors and moon landings and so on. So he pondered, and instead of focusing only on the future, as others did, he put two things together, the future, and the past. That’s why the movie has characters dressed in clothing from the past, robes, gun belts etc. Parts of it almost feels like ancient Greece. Then obviously he mixed this with the future, death stars and lightsabers. And there we go, he had a theme to work from, that cemented everything together. And he made a few bob out of it.

Anyway, one of the first dishes to come from our theme process, was gammon and pineapple, that steady dish which was on every menu across the land back then, probably still is in some places. Obviously we didn’t do the dish, but used it as inspiration.

A double baked cheese soufflé, pineapple pickle, a poached egg and smoked potato croquette. The soufflé is the focal point, remember, all plates need a focal point, the pineapple pickle is to replace the tinned pineapple ring, remember them? The egg represents the fried egg which often sat on top of the gammon, and the smoked potato replicates the smokiness of the gammon.

And that’s that, every dish after that had a theme, inspiration to work from.

Fray Bentos Pie, steak tartare, sushi or pea and ham soup, so many ideas were out there, so many dish opportunities.

Recipe time……

Coffee and Doughnut Tiramisu with Crispy Coffee Sugar

Yes I know someone is gonna shout and scream and say that a Tiramisu can’t contain doughnuts, well in that case, it’s a Diramisu.

Anyway, a Tiramisu contains coffee, and we thought that doughnuts are good with coffee, so there we go. This is a very simple recipe, no whisking eggs or anything. Also, the doughnuts have their own sweetness, one job done.

For some reason, we couldn't find proper deep golden brown doughnuts here in Spain, so excuse the anaemic looking doughnuts in the pics, maybe the glaze is factor 50.

You definitely need to dry the doughnuts out, otherwise they don’t soak up the coffee, I know that from experience. I moulded ours in a single pastry ring to be showy, you can do yours in something single portion like a glass, or just do them in a tray and spoon out afterwards. Oh also, you’ll need some ground coffee, not those poddy things.

Serves four, or thereabouts.

Ingredients

4 Ring doughnuts, cut into approx 1cm slices and dried overnight. They need to be dry to soak up the coffee

40g Granulated sugar

1tbsp, heaped Ground coffee

125g Mascarpone

125g Double cream

300ml Coffee, use 4 heaped tablespoons of  ground coffee to make this. Let it cool

2tbsp Coffee liqueur, Tia Maria or something like that

Method

-First bit, add the granulated sugar to a pan with one tablespoon of water. Heat on medium.

-Stir constantly, we’re trying to crystallise it. As soon as it goes opaque and                     grainy, quickly add the tablespoon of ground coffee and stir quickly. Transfer to a container. That’s your crispy coffee sugar.

-Whip the cream until soft peaks appear, then carefully fold in the Mascarpone.

-Mix the liqueur into the coffee.

-Now, dip the dried doughnut pieces into the coffee, then remove and sit on                   a separate plate. The trick is, you need them to soak up the good stuff, but not to become soggy.

-Now, line your glass or container with a layer of doughnut, then add some creamy Mascarpone and flatten a little. Then the doughnut, and so on, until everything is used up. End with the cream, not the doughnut.

-Finally, and just before serving, otherwise it goes sticky, sprinkle a layer of crispy coffee sugar on top.

-Eat it.

Catch up next week as we find out that Tony Cannelloni used to work for Gordon Ramsay. Honestly!!