Part 105 Bad Card

Sparks, coffee and credit cards

Did you know, if you put a Like at the end of this, your local supermarket will start stocking banana flavoured toothpaste, just for you.

Welcome back and all that.

So, the news last week was that we had to start paying our rent in a three month chunk instead of a one month chunk, which was fair enough, everyone else did. This meant that when it came to rent payment day, instead of five thousand quid, we had to have fifteen thousand quid.

That’s fine, I mean, once you’ve paid up, at least you can forget about it for three months. However, depending on when the dates fall, you could have sent out a load of cheques to suppliers and fixed a knackered fridge, and that would leave you short for that rent payment.

But this is how it is.

So when Jim and Jean are sat at table 8, discussing the consistency of the chilled spinach soup or questioning wether the heritage potatoes were from Kent or Sussex, the restaurant owner is debating over who gets paid, the fruit and vegetable supplier, the landlord or HMRC.

Anyway, one morning, a pretty normal morning, Donna opened the mail and handed an envelope to me.

“What’s this Donna?”

“The bank are offering us a credit card, not sure why.”

It’s funny, a couple of years earlier, when we could have zero customers for three days, the bank giggled in our faces when we asked for help. Now, when they could see some cash in our account, they wanted us to have more cash.

Seems backside first really.

“No no dear customer, there’s cash coming into your account now, you’re a safe bet.”

“Oh yea, you reckon?”

Anyway, back to the credit card. We didn’t really get why we would want it. You see, back in 2010, cards weren’t as widely used, these days you can go to a farmers market or a car boot sale and a vendor can take payment by card, right there in the middle of a field. But if we rang a supplier back then and asked to pay by credit card, they would have come around and given us a good chinning. But don’t get me wrong, you could pay some of the larger guys, but generally, credit cards were what you used in Debenhams.

And because of that, I was about to throw the letter in the bin, but Donna changed my mind, “Hang on, it could be useful one day.”

So we completed the form which was in the envelope and sent it off, then a week later, we had a credit card with a three thousand quid limit, which we could use in M&S to buy a pint of milk for the restaurant.

If you think we deserve a coffee for writing this, that’s the button.

So that’s that. Right, back to some interesting stuff. I was prepping in the kitchen with Emma and Skater Jane when Donna joined us, with Tina Terminator marching behind her.

“Andrew, the coffee machine is playing up, Tina and I have tried to get it working but it’s not happening. Can you have a look at it?”

And of course, Tina knew what was wrong with it, “It’s the element, I’m telling you, I’ve seen it before.”

I had a look as Tina stood with her arms folded and watched me, “It’s the element, it’s always the element.”

And because there was no pressure, and no heat coming from anywhere on the machine, Tina was probably very correct. Obviously.

“Yes I knew it, this brand is stupid.”

We needed to get it fixed, I mean, we had a filter machine with a ten cup jug, but that wouldn’t satisfy Jim and Jean’s craving for a Moccacinolattefrappe.

“Right Donna, I’ll give Vic and Tommy a call.”

“Oh great.”

I left a voice message with Vic, then I went back to the kitchen to carry on trying to get some food prepared. As usual Emma was desperate for information, she wanted to know everything about everything.

“Andrew, what’s wrong with the machine? Is it expensive to fix?”

“I think it’s the element, well, Tina said it is, so it must be. No idea how much it’ll be, I’ve called the sparks, he’ll know.”

“Called who? The sparks?”

“Yea, the sparks, the sparky, the electrician.”

“Oh my god, that’s so cool, I didn’t know trades people had nicknames. Tell me some more.”

Oh no, I forgot that Emma was posh and wouldn’t have heard these terms before. Now she was going to get all giddy because she was learning about these little scamps and their curious habits.

“Err, the only other one I know is a chippy, a joiner.”

“Oh that’s so cool, but why chippy?’

“Well, because he chips away at bits of wood I suppose.”

“Oh yes, of course. Tell me some more.”

“I can’t Emma, I don’t know anymore.”

“Oh go on, you must know some more.”

“Emma, I don’t.”

“What about a plumber, what’s their nickname?”

“Emma, honestly, I don’t know. I can’t just make them up.”

Suddenly, Skater Jane emerged from her prep trance, “Hang on mate, did you say you’ve rang the electrician, is that Vic?”

“Yes Jane, Vic and Tommy should be here this afternoon, so probably tomorrow morning.”

“Ah no, Tommy does my head in.”

Emma hadn’t met the maintenance duo yet, “What’s wrong with them Jane?”

“Mate, the little Tommy bloke talks absolute shit, for ages. And he thinks I’m a lad.”

Emma laughed really loudly at this, “Well come on Jane, you are a bit boyish.”

“Don’t you start. You can make them a coffee and listen to Tommy chatting shit about his Staffy.”

And right on time, well, the next morning, Vic and Tom arrived to look at the machine. And because she was so curious, Emma left the kitchen and strolled over to the coffee room, just as Tina Terminator was leaving the room.

Not a coffee machine..

“Don’t go in Emma, the little one with the Batman shoes is there.”

And there they were, Vic is tinkering with the machine as Tommy looks over his shoulder, complete with his Batman trainers.

So in her best ‘I’m one of you guys’ tone, Emma leaned against the wall and asked, “Alright lads, I’m Emma, wanna coffee?”

Vic mumbled a yes, Tommy turned around, “Alwight Emma, yea I’d love a coffee.”

But before she could leave to make the coffee, Tommy had a question, but he didn’t really want an answer.

“Are you new here Emma?”

“Yes I am, I’ve been here a few….”

“I’ve got a niece called Emma, right cheeky mare she is. She was round last Saturday, mouthing off as always, she’s got this and she’s got that. Always has to have better than everyone else. I said to my missus, she’s barred from this house, she only comes round to talk our ears off. Then the bloody dog started, I’m telling ya, every time she comes round there’s grief, and it’s not my doing. Isn’t that right Vic?”

“Yes Tommy.”

Emma took her chance to escape, “Right, that’s great, I’ll make coffees.”

When she came back to the kitchen, she was in a right paddy, “Oh my god, I’m not making them coffees and I’m not going back over there. He talks such a load of bollocks.”

And Jane nodded, “Told ya mate.”

Vic had bad news, the coffee machine was fixable, but because it was a cheap one, which we brought with us from the York restaurant, the cost of fixing it was more than the value of the machine. But Vic was a decent bloke, so he did’t charge us a call out fee.

Now we needed a coffee machine, but a real decent one would cost thousands of pounds, we didn’t have thousands of pounds. Well we did, but that money was sat in the bank waiting to cover cheques to pay suppliers.

Donna rang the coffee guy we used in York, he was the only coffee bloke we knew, so we had to turn to him. And fortunately, he had a reconditioned machine, a bean to cup machine. These things would freshly grind the right amount of beans for each cup of coffee. Then they would add milk, or foam the milk automatically, depending on what button you pressed. And, he could have the machine with us the next working day.

This was great news, until he told us that it was eighteen hundred quid. We just didn’t have the spare cash to pay for it, but we needed something.

Then, I had a great idea, and it was as follows.

“Hiya mate, how’s it going with you? Great, look, we want the machine, but we don’t have the cash. Can we pay you with our company credit card?”

There we go, that credit card, the one I thought wasn’t worth having, well it saved us. We could pay for the machine with the card, then pay off the debt in smaller monthly payments.

“Sorry mate, I don’t take card payments. I don’t even have a card machine.”

Why? Why is nothing simple? There was three thousand pounds available on that credit card and we couldn’t get to it.

But wait, “Donna, type one thousand eight hundred pounds into our card machine, as if you’re taking payment from a customer.”

Donna did just that, then I used the new company credit card to make that payment, as if I was a diner paying for a very expensive and boozy meal.

And it actually went through. That meant, in a couple of days, £1,800 would be in the restaurant account, then we could send a cheque to our friend the coffee guy, and he would send the machine.

Then we would pay the credit card bill in small monthly payments. So basically, we liquidated the funds on the credit card through the restaurant card machine.

And there we go, there is always a way.

Thanks for STILL reading this, it’s appreciated.

Andrew and Donna