Part 100 Mardy Bum
Bobby's Bistro, short tongued and chicory.
Did you know, if you put a Like at the end of this, you will instantly become a Ninja warrior.
Hiya and welcome back to the one hundredth edition. Yea, a hundred of these things.
And this is a sad one, Ben was leaving. Now, of course people leave, it’s inevitable, but in the early days of the restaurant, Donna and I worked every day and night with the team. Not just now and again, but every single hour of the day.
And you may ask, what’s so good about that? Well, a lot of restaurant owners don’t, they spend time in the office, or on that table at the back of the restaurant, or having meals in their restaurant. They may jump in now and again, but they probably have better stuff to do. We interviewed people who said they never saw the owners.
So, because we spent so much time with the team, and this is gonna sound a bit pukey, they almost became family. Actually, we saw more of them than we did of our family. So when one of them decided to leave, it hit us hard.
Actually, it was more like a death, because chances are, you’d never see them again, they would find a new life with a new family in another restaurant. And while you’re mourning the loss of a great kitchen porter who was like your first born, he was getting drunk with his new friends at Bobby’s Bistro.
But at least Ben had agreed to stay until we found someone else to replace him.
“Hey Donna, maybe we should pretend that we can’t find anyone else so Ben stays for ever.”
“No Andrew, that’s not right.”
So we advertised on Gumtree, and after the usual sitting around waiting for people to not turn up, or listening to them tell us how great they were because they’d peeled mushrooms for two years at a Michelin star restaurant, a lady arrived who actually seemed decent.
Lucia was from Spain but had been living in the UK for about five years. She had worked in a lot of places, restaurants, hotels and various pubs. To civilians this may seem like a lot, but in the world of hospitality it’s quite normal.
Donna and I liked Lucia, she wasn’t’t vegetarian but that was irrelevant to us, she had heard about this new style of vegetarian food which we were doing and was eager to learn.
So that was that, we were at Wednesday and Lucia agreed to start on the following Monday.
We let everyone else know and Ben was happy to say for little while longer, just to give time for Lucia to settle in.
When we told Tina Terminator about the new team member she had a contribution, “If her English isn’t very good I can help because I speak Spanish.”
“Oh right, didn’t realise you spoke Spanish as well Tina. But anyway, her English is perfect so we should be OK.”
Lucia was at the front door on Monday morning, with Tina, people are always keen on the first day. Tina was keen every day.
If you think this is ok you can buy us a coffee. It’s three quid.
We all bundled ourselves into the restaurant and I showed Lucia where to get changed. Donna had a few messages to run by me at reception so when Ben and Jane arrived I let them know that Lucia was already here.
By the time I had changed and arrived at the kitchen, the three of them were already there, and Ben had allocated a list of jobs to Lucia. Skater Jane was mixing up a batch of soufflé, Ben was preparing chicory for caramelising and Lucia was picking through spinach.
Hang on, picking through spinach doesn’t mean that you’re like, looking for something. It’s not as if you’re rummaging around in some spinach leaves searching for your car keys. It just means that you’re removing any crappy bits, or throwing out any tough stems.
So all was well.
Except, it wasn’t. Something didn’t feel right, something was off, but I couldn’t work out what it was. There was a stillness in the air, maybe an awkwardness. Like I had walked into a saloon bar in Devils Creek, just as Butch Cassidy had gone into a massive huff because he’d stubbed his toe on the leg of a bar stool.
Ben went to the sink to wash his knives, so I followed him, I needed to know if he felt the awkwardness too.
“Ben, alright, everything OK?
“Errrr, yea yea, fine.”
Fine? Just fine. That’s the response you get from someone who isn’t fine. He was in a right mardy.
And Skater Jane was quiet also, even though I could see that she’d finished her second coffee, which usually meant she would be awake, ready to peck someone’s head.
I went upstairs and asked Donna to have a mooch around the kitchen and pretend that she was looking for something, I wanted to now if she sensed the stillness also.
So she did, “Hiya Jane, I’m looking for a little knife to cut lemons, ours has disappeared, again.”
Unfortunately, Jane was a little too quick with a response, Donna needed to spend a bit longer in the weird atmosphere.
“Yea mate, take mine until you find yours.”
“Thanks Jane, I’ll just wash it.”
Donna spent a few minutes pretending to wash the knife, then reported back to me.
“Yea, I see what you mean, it’s so strange, it’s just silent.”
“Right. I’ll liven them up, and I‘ll try to find out what’s going on as well.”
I started on the curry oil and struck up a conversation with Lucia.
“Hey Lucia, me and Donna have been to Spain, years ago though.”
“Oh yea, whereabouts?”
“Benidorm, yonks ago. Does that count as Spain?”
“Haha, I suppose it depends who you ask.”
“I’m just messing. But Spain is a beautiful country. And nice people as well.”
“Yes, we’re a friendly lot, gracias.”
During this attempt at a conversation, Ben and Jane said nothing.
Then Lucia asked if she could go to the toilet, “Yea of course, you don’t have to ask.”
When she left for the loo, I tried to drag Ben and Jane into the chat, “Have you been to Spain Jane?”
And rather bluntly Jane replied, “That’s the third time she’s been to the toilet.”
“Nowt wrong with that Jane, maybe she’s nervous, first day and all that.”
“Maybe.”
Maybe I could soften Ben.
“Hey Ben, did you hear how Lucia said ‘gracias’, she pronounces the ‘C’ as a ‘TH’, I always thought it was pronounced as an ’S’. Grasias! Grathias!.”
At that, Tina Terminator marched into the kitchen, her little arms swinging from side to side and she disappeared into the corner, looking for side plates.
Ben was well educated so he knew about the ‘TH’ and ’S’ pronunciation, “Errr, yea, in South America the ‘C’ is pronounced as an ’S’ but the errr, Spanish, yea, they pronounce the ‘C’as ‘TH’. Grasias and Grathias.”
However, Tina Terminator heard this conversation and immediately put Ben right, “No Ben, the Spanish are short tongued, that’s why they use the ‘TH’ sound a lot.”
“Errr, what? All Spanish people are short tongued, that’s mental, no they’re not.”
“Yes they are. I should know, I speak Spanish.”
“Errrr, no, just because you speak a bit of Spanish, yea, that doesn’t mean that you know about the anatomy of a whole nation.”
“I speak a lot of Spanish, and I’m telling you, they’re all short tongued. Now do your work, I’m too busy to talk to you.”
“Err, but it was you who started talking to me yea.”
But Tina didn’t hear him, she had left the kitchen, she was off.
Lucia arrived back to the kitchen and continued with the prep list Ben had given her.
I didn’t have time to focus on this kitchen discord, every few minutes I was handed the phone because PR Michelle was pestering me for recipes for magazines.
“My favourite cake to eat at Easter Michelle? I don’t have one.”
“Just make something up Andrew, then send me a recipe.”
After another quiet lunch I just knew I had to find out what the problem with Lucia was, Ben and Jane were acting so strange.
I collared Jane, she had no filters, she would tell me, “Jane, what’s wrong with Lucia, she’s a nice person, why you and Ben being off with her?”
“Listen mate, yea, she’s just not good enough. You’ve been in and out of the kitchen so you probably haven’t noticed, but she’s all over the place.”
“Really?”
“Yea really. Ben gave her some easy stuff to do, ya know, first day and all that. But we’re jumping in and taking over ‘cos she can’t get it right.”
“Oh right, I didn’t realise.”
“So yea mate, we’re not happy, she’s not good enough for the restaurant. She just can’t cut the mustard.”
“That’s so weird Jane, she has loads of experience as well.”
And at that, something struck me. It wasn’t that Ben and Jane didn’t like Lucia, they just didn’t want her bringing our standards down. I hadn’t realised how proud they were, but they were basically saying that they didn’t want to work with someone who could jeopardise what we were doing.
The next morning, Lucia came to see me to let me know that she would work until the end of the week and then she would leave.
“It’s just not for me Andrew.”
So now we were back to the beginning, we still needed to find someone to replace Ben.
Plus, we still hadn’t managed to get the Brie ice cream dish on the menu.
Right, thanks for reading this and catch us next week to find out what we do about a replacement.
Donna and Andrew
“The Spanish are short tongued”, that’s going to be hard to get out of my mind.
Trying the Ninja-thing..